Someday I wish to live in a way where it feels ideal. A time where I don’t feel like I’m settling for the situation I’m in. I want to love the idea of living because its all for the right reasons. I miss waking up and believing that the day will only be wonderful.
Today and the days before, I feel the opposite. I wake up hoping nothing else goes wrong since nothing feels right. My heart is slowly losing beat for everything that once was my world and blissful joy. I’m not in love anymore no matter how hard I try.
Love isn’t how it used to be. It isn’t as exciting, as romantic, as thoughtful as it once was. It feels to be dead with reoccurring themes of exhausting resuscitation. There’s nothing about it that is worth living for when it only exists as a thing that can be forgotten.
It can only get better. One day, I hope my soul finds a way out of this misery to live the life that I’ve longed for. I will only be surrounded by people who want those same things for me. I want to be stronger to be able to have all that I’ve asked for. I want to live.
This isn’t a dream anymore, it’s my reality, my nightmare. This moment is when I’m learning all the things I don’t want in my life and all those that I value more than before. My heart is growing tired yet strong as it realizes all that it wants and is deserving of.
I want to live longer to fall in love again.